172 this morning
So yesterday I got a letter in the mail from an aunt. I expected it to be a reminder about the upcoming family reunion, but no...Turns out another aunt (who has been deceased for quite many years) had given up a baby girl for adoption back in the 1950s (she was not married at the time). It was like, "Surprise! Y'all have another cousin!" Apparently a couple of the other aunts had known, but had taken the secret to the grave. The letter gave the new cousin's name and mentioned she has a Facebook account, which I've already stalked. (There is a family resemblance...) I'm probably making more out of this, emotionally, than I should, but I'm feeling sad, a little freaked out, and just pissed off in general. It's the secret-keeping that gets to me, y'all. The first thought I had after reading the letter was, "What other secrets have they been keeping??" My husband doesn't understand why I'm mad but, you see, it goes to an issue of trust. And I know, I know...having a baby "out of wedlock" in the 1950s, 60s and even 70s was a SIN. It simply was not done; I get that, really I do. Even in the 80s, when I gave birth as a single mother, it was still a big deal. But why keep it a secret? Why couldn't she/they have simply told the truth?? --That in 1956 she gave birth to a baby and didn't feel capable of taking care of said baby on her own, and by giving her up for adoption she felt she was giving the baby a better chance at having a good life.
Anyway, I'm feeling a lot of different feels today, having trouble processing it. I know I'll get there; it'll just take time. And this morning when I woke up still thinking about the new cousin, I thought, "thank god for Leading With the Diet"...thank god I'm on an even, safe keel with my eating because this situation is one that would definitely have landed me face-down in a cake a few months ago. I would have allowed my emotions to carry me this way and that, and would have tried to drown them out by cramming "dragon" food in my mouth. Thank god for sane eating.
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
You Can't Make Me
This year's invitation to my family reunion arrived in yesterday's mail.
Family Gatherings, family reunions, whatever you call them...show of hands, who HATES them?
Yep, me too. I like all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins, I really do. I simply do not want to spend time with any of them.
http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=8005
(Found this thread when I googled so, yay, I'm not the only one.)
My father was an only child and apparently no one on his side ever felt the need to host a family reunion. (Maybe I take more after him than I thought.) However my mother was 1 of 13 children who got together at least once every stinkin' year. Even as a child, I HATED going to those things. I was (am) an introvert, although I wouldn't come to know that word for a very long time. Not shy, mind you--introverted, and so you can imagine how being in the midst of a large family gathering made me feel. And so the year that I turned 18, I told my mother that I was not going to any more family reunions. We actually had a nice little discussion about it, where she all but admitted that she, too, would have preferred not to attend. But she felt obligated, you see.
I don't feel obligated. And I've never been one to do things just because "it's the right thing to do". Pffth, whatever.
I'm 54 freakin' years old, man, and I simply don't want to go.
Let me tell you...when I start thinking about the possibility of going to my family reunion--just thinking about the possibility, my stomach starts churning and my breathing gets shallow. The nerves kick in, and it's ridiculous, man. I've got enough stress and worry going on in my life as it is than to voluntarily add more.
Now, some of my cousins are on Facebook, and having contact that way is great, because they're at a distance and I can disconnect whenever I want. In other words, I don't experience sensory overload.
Okay, I feel better now; sorry, just had to get that off my chest.
Family Gatherings, family reunions, whatever you call them...show of hands, who HATES them?
Yep, me too. I like all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins, I really do. I simply do not want to spend time with any of them.
http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=8005
(Found this thread when I googled so, yay, I'm not the only one.)
My father was an only child and apparently no one on his side ever felt the need to host a family reunion. (Maybe I take more after him than I thought.) However my mother was 1 of 13 children who got together at least once every stinkin' year. Even as a child, I HATED going to those things. I was (am) an introvert, although I wouldn't come to know that word for a very long time. Not shy, mind you--introverted, and so you can imagine how being in the midst of a large family gathering made me feel. And so the year that I turned 18, I told my mother that I was not going to any more family reunions. We actually had a nice little discussion about it, where she all but admitted that she, too, would have preferred not to attend. But she felt obligated, you see.
I don't feel obligated. And I've never been one to do things just because "it's the right thing to do". Pffth, whatever.
I'm 54 freakin' years old, man, and I simply don't want to go.
Let me tell you...when I start thinking about the possibility of going to my family reunion--just thinking about the possibility, my stomach starts churning and my breathing gets shallow. The nerves kick in, and it's ridiculous, man. I've got enough stress and worry going on in my life as it is than to voluntarily add more.
Now, some of my cousins are on Facebook, and having contact that way is great, because they're at a distance and I can disconnect whenever I want. In other words, I don't experience sensory overload.
Okay, I feel better now; sorry, just had to get that off my chest.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)