Sugar Cookie* started kindergarten today. This day came around so fast! In reality I know that it didn't happen fast, yet I feel as if it did. I feel like today kindergarten, tomorrow high school. Pay me no never mind; just a grandmother feeling all the feels today. As I stood outside the school this afternoon, waiting for Sugar Cookie to depart, I engaged in one of my favorite activities: people watching. I like to observe people--I can't help it. Anyway, I was watching a small group of young women talking together, in their 30's I would guess, all tanned and toned and skinny. Now, in my fat days, I would have tried my best to make myself invisible because I would have felt inadequate compared to those younger, thinner women. I would not have wanted to be compared to them. Today I suddenly realized that I sensed nothing when I looked at them. I didn't feel inadequate. I didn't want to be invisible. I felt...good enough. Then I realized that these people would never think of me as fat--they didn't know me "when". Anyone I meet now through Sugar Cookie's school is going to associate me with being skinny Nana. Actually, anybody new I meet from here on out will never know the fat me, unless I show them pictures. And that's kind of a weird feeling.
8/18/2017 ETA (I posted this entry yesterday, even though I knew in my heart it wasn't finished...I simply couldn't form the final thoughts as to what I needed to say. Then on the quiet drive home, when a lot of my "aha!" moments come, I knew what else I wanted to say. So here it is:
I don't want strangers to look at me and think dismissively, "She's probably one of those naturally skinny people who can eat anything they want and never gain a pound. I wish I was like her." Umm...NO. I worked hard to get down to the size I am now. I gave up a lot to lose those pounds, and I have to CONTINUE working hard to KEEP those pounds off. As I've said before, it's simple but it ain't easy. Nothing about this lifestyle is easy; this takes full-on commitment, and constant vigilance. I guess I don't want anyone taking skinny Nana for granted. The best I can hope for is that I can share this way of life with anybody who asks.
*The blog nickname for my granddaughter; she was born on national sugar cookie day. :-)
