05/10/2016
185.5 this morning
Yes, I'm going to continue the no-butter phase for at least another week. I think I
originally said 30 days, but I'm pretty sure I'll know results after this week. I doubt
that one tablespoon of butter a day (used to scramble 6 eggs, split btwn Hubby & me)
makes much difference. Still it's good to find out...and it's good to know that I don't
feel the NEED to use butter.
05/13/2016
186 this morning
All right, the butter ban is ended, as of today.
No changes in sinus issues whatsoever. *shrug*
I tried. And I'm glad I did; it was worth it.
I went two weeks without using butter. The first
week I used bacon grease for the morning eggs;
the second week I used extra light olive oil. The
only change I saw was no weight loss in week two.
Coincidence between no weight loss and olive oil?
Hmm...who knows.
This morning my weight was 186 and, I must admit,
I experienced a momentary flash of pissed-offedeness.
Just for a second, and then I got my emotions back under
control. And when I wrote the number down in the
pocket calendar I use to record my daily weight, I
noticed that the same thing happened last week
(where I had no pounds lost in a three day span).
This is another reason why it's important to weigh daily
AND write that number down. Because I had forgotten
about the no-pounds-lost in a 3 day span of last week.
Seeing that pattern made it okay; as in, it's happened before
and it'll probably happen again. I'm still a pound lighter this
week than last week. I didn't gain all of my weight overnight
and I certainly won't lose it overnight. It's going to take
time, a LOT of time, and I am in this for...well, forever really.
I started to write "for as long as it takes", which is essentially forever.
I have come to realize...no, not realize. I have admitted and
acknowledged to myself that I cannot eat certain foods
and expect my body to thrive.
On a positive note, I am at the point where I need to wear
a belt with my khaki pants, otherwise I am constantly
hitchin' up my britches on my daily walks.
05/16/2016
185.5 this morning
I've been leading with the diet for one month, and I feel so much better
now than 30 days ago.
It hasn't always been easy, although with implementation of the 4Ps life gets
more simple (planning, preparation, patience, and practice).
Wait...it's not easy, yet it's simple--what does that mean??
Well, it IS simple...you plan your meals ahead of time, and you cook ahead
of time what needs to be cooked, along with chopping and dicing, and even
packaging it up so you can just grab and go. You know exactly what you're
going to eat and when you're going to it, and you rarely (if ever) deviate from
that plan. Then you have to practice patience; the weight coming off is a waiting
game of sorts, and it will happen...but you have to have patience when, say,
you're only losing half a pound every week or two.
But no, it is NOT easy. You cannot rely on anybody else but yourself.
Don't expect anyone else to support this way of life.
Don't expect not to be tempted by smells or sights of certain foods because, oh baby,
those temptations are ALWAYS hovering just below the surface. It's not willpower
that will carry you through but sheer stubbornness and determination to turn away/
walk away from the things you need to. Don't expect not to get mad and depressed
at your own body for not being able to handle all the junk foods that everybody
else on the planet seems to be able to shove in their mouths and not gain an ounce.
05/18/2016
184.5 this morning
Wow...I think my husband understands what I'm doing with the eating plan* I've implemented.
Tomorrow I'm tagging along with him to a trade show of sorts, that is being held in a city a couple
of hours away...well, an hour and a half at least. Anyway, food will be provided/catered but you
know how that goes; I expect a lot of carbohydrate-laden foods. I already had a plan in place,
although I was going to wait until tomorrow to bring up the subject. To my surprise, he
said to me this morning, "I'm not sure what you're going to do about food tomorrow." I told
him I was planning on taking my own food, just in case, and he thinks it's a good idea. Now
I have to admit that I was expecting some push back from him, some level of...I don't know.
Embarrassment maybe? But no, he seemed genuinely concerned for my situation. It was
touching. Since I don't know if there will be a microwave available, I'm going to take along
some baked chicken thighs and a large salad. That should suffice until supper.
*I refuse to use the word "diet"--I don't like that word.
05/20/2016
184 this morning
The trade show situation went extremely well yesterday. I packed my salad and chicken (already cut up) the night before, so all I had to do the morning of was grab the container, and make sure I had a fork and olive oil. The purse I carry is big enough that everything fit inside nicely. I was very glad I brought my own food, because there was nothing at the banquet I could have eaten. (Trigger warning*, menu below.) When the time came, I simply pulled out my container and had at it. Another locksmith who sat at our table, said, "You're smart; you brought your own food!!" I enjoy being at a place in my life where I'm not bothered or embarrassed to bring my own food. It's a fact of life...no different really than doing it because of food allergies.
The fourth notch...
I think I mentioned having to wear a belt with my khaki pants (which is a good sign, truly it is.) The weird thing is that I am now using the fourth notch on the belt. I have had this belt for...oh, I don't know. Probably at least 5 years. At my heaviest weight (198 last January), I was using the second notch, and it was getting uncomfortable--thought I would have to drop down to the 1st notch. Now here I am, all the way over on notch #4. The first time I put on the belt with the khakis this week, I slid the prong into notch #3, but it was way too loose. Yet when I put the prong into notch #4, my mind said "that can't be right, you're bigger than this...aren't you?" Isn't it funny how our minds can sometimes work against us? --Which is why I try to stay out of my head as much as possible where these things are concerned. It's really just a number, all of this--clothing sizes, belt sizes, etc. Don't attach too much value to the number; buy what fits you.
Adele's Response:
I love reading your updates. It sounds like you're acknowledging your past patterns, and working hard to engineer your own success. You're doing everything right, it's working. The biggest battle for the next few years will be mastering control of your inner teenager. If you can do that without interruption for a long time, you will SLOWLY divorce your emotions from your food decisions. I can't remember the names of the pertinent essays on that, Growing Up Emotionally and the one about computer hard drives come to mind. I'm on my tablet right now and can't look them up. Mostly though you just lead with the diet, and let your feelings go wherever they want. Stay prepared, stay at least one day ahead. If you build it--a strong simple plan with no deviations--they will come. "They" are all the emotions you've been eating down. If you stop eating them down, you'll slowly build new skills for experiencing feelings.
I'm getting ahead of myself! Just keep going and keep me/us posted. I'm so happy for you. You did great with taking your own food to an event and being ready to deal with the consequences.
Adele
138 this morning
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